When Life Just Sucks. Keep Going. Anecdote Plus Tips On How You Can Persevere Through Challenges.

This is going to be a short and spontaneous write...

So I've been reflecting on my life and how COVID-19 and the pandemic really threw my plans into the shredder... Near the start of the pandemic, I wrote my Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT) in order to apply to medical school, I prepared utilizing the tips I mentioned in one of my previous blogs and was ready... I had my study room in place, I utilized a calendar, ran, slept well, and really took care of myself to the best of my abilities!

Then comes the day before the test. Yes a paragraph break was necessary to share the huge shift in circumstances.

I decide to heed the advice of many redditors on the internet who mention to take the day completely off and go relax for the full day instead of studying, because studying excessively that day would've really led to no gains and would've just made me fatigued the day of. Fair enough! So i had the option of binging Netflix's Ozark (it's fire check it out...) or going out for a walk and just having a nice bath. Learning the importance of Nature from Dr.John Ratey's Go Wild book pushed me to pick the latter of these two options... Oh but I do so wish that I picked the former... This is where the suck starts.

So I decide to go to a park that's a bit like a forest, lots of trees, lots of nature, soothing sounds... and mosquitos... Yep. Freaking Mosquitos. Now to the normal individual they'd be like meh. I envy you. I turn beet red whenever a mosquito bites me and it does bulge up to the point of pain... This isn't helped by the fact that I seem to be mosquito's top choice for a delicious snack. So I although I ended up going with a friend, guess who got bit 3 times on their calves, once on their thighs, twice on their arms, once on their neck and somehow on the their chest? THIS GUY! Let's go.

So this is where the plan fell apart, I scheduled all the activities I wanted to get done that day. Bath, pack a lunch for tomorrow, pack all essentials I need for tomorrow, check for gas, schedule in a move, do some light reading, and set up an alarm clock for the day before...

This is also where I make the bright idea to practice one of the more difficult reading comprehension passages. It oddly went well... So instead of practicing 2 of the easier ones the day of the test just to boost my confidence, I decide to utilize the 2 hardest passages. Smart I know. Now after I make these decisions, I cut-out the bath because a run to the local Walmart to get a anti-histamine for the mosquito bites really took that time off. A little extra stress on the rest day didn't hurt too much, but getting off my game was a bit tough. After talking with some friends on the phone I pack my lunch, my id, and anything else I needed... Anyways it's now 9pm and I gotta wind down for bed, I pick up a book, I read it, and I snooze off to the sunset.

*cue in alarm clock* Bam. Feeling good I'm feeling great. First thing is first... meditate for 10 minutes on the floor with the back on the wall. Check. Wam bam thank ya mamn for the focus that brought (if only it happened sooner)! Time for a 20 minute elliptical run to get the brain firing... Check. Time for a power smoothie.... Check... Time to practice your reading comprehension passages... This is where the story gets sour. So I put my timer on for how long it's going to take and I get started. First passage... Going okay, feeling confident... Sweet done and I have completed it in less time than I thought... Ok maybe I'll go double check that I packed everything right in my lunchbox... "where is my i.d." Yup. That happened. I misplaced my id. I don't know why or how... maybe it was the nerves, maybe it was something else. Anyways needless to say, anxiety went high. I look at the clock and I'm 15 minutes behind schedule... Gotta do this second passage let's go... I start reading the second passage anddddd I don't get it at all... In my head I say okay... I'll just finish this quickly... The stress of being behind kicks back to me as well... my passage timer is nearing the end and I haven't started the questions... I try the first one... WTF is this... try the second... same response, third.. and I just guess. I didn't even bother to check my answers. I felt very anxious and nervous but It was time, I packed up my bags and drove to the test center.

Missed the proper exit and proceed to increase the freak out in my body... Then I finally make it... I am on time... Phew. Or at least I thought. Since it was COVID we were required to wear a mask. I ask the test procter up front (there are multiple... this becomes important later), where I can remove mask to eat, they say the corner of the room... I say sweet ok. So I go in for the first section on chemistry and physics... I get signed in and the computer keeps refreshing with the timer running... anxiety is flowing in the veins... anddd it finally starts... timer is less but this is my best section... can't stress it's go time... first passage was a blur. Didn't get most of the questions... it's okay. next one... anyways I finish this section and I go back and get the first passage to the best of my abilities as well. The section finishes... The ten minute timer between this section and the Reading comprehension section starts. I tell another procter who is monitoring the testing sites what occured with the test and tell them to record it down. They take like 1 minute to process the information... This felt like an eternity with my adrenaline pumping and me trying to get into the locker to grab my lunch with my key... Anyways I take out my lunch and I go to the corner to eat it.... A new procter is at the front now. "You can't eat here you need to go outside of the room." I'm agitated by all of this so I decide to talk to her about it. "Your colleague told me I can, why are you telling me this?" Proctor monitoring test comes out who overheard the original procter up front saying we're sorry for the confusion.. and the conversation continued like this for a couple of minutes... i end up going out and I am now stressed out because of this... I try to put my lunch box back in the locker and it slams, procter yells shush... (not my fault they got spring loaded lockers... Seems like a poor choice for a testing environment... Just saying :P). Anyways I finally get back ready and since there are no clocks on the floor I have to ask the procter for my time... long story short they mess up and I get back in. with a Message blaring: "You are late for your section and will be docked a penalty of time plus the time you are late..." my heart sank. I practiced over 400 passages (average 10:30 minutes to right each, and 15 minutes to review) and it was blood sweat and tears... Anyways I go for it and try again. passages seem okay... but as I am writing this blog down I reflect and notice I was reading a lot more carefully and answering slowly... second-guessing myself due to the terrible decision of practicing with the hardest passages on the reading comprehension practice list. Anyways let's fast-forward to the end of this section... I guessed an entire passage and barely finished the second-last one. This was the worst performance I have ever done and I am usually cool calm and collected. It didn't help that my bug bite and other issues flared up and caused me to be distracted as well, I was hoping I got above the minimum score I needed. Other sections went alright, although one section has such a nit-picky question that I will forever remember and joke about with friends. Anyways that finishes. I come home. I crash asleep. That is the end of a brutal chapter of my life.

Fast forward one month and the email comes on: "your score is now available..." feelings of anxiety storm my mind and i open up my score. I was above the 90th percentile on every section except the reading comprehension... The one score that I practiced so hard for was just at the 50th percentile. For reference I was getting around 70-90 percentile on my practice examinations... I was stunned... Anyways it was ok to apply with so i go for it.

I'm finally getting some good volunteering in, in person with things like emergency med, and then lock downs happen... No in person meetings... Well there go my volunteering hours....

I then decide to apply for medical school. I saved up a sum of my money so I would be able to apply and maybe even hire a coach. Unfortunately my father's business was under a lot of financial pressure and they were getting sued. I sold all my stocks, withdrew my savings and gave everything but the bare minimum to support my father. Fast-forward to application time.

I check the stocks. I was invested in... most 2-3x, and one 30x'd... Yes 30x'd. This is the opportunity I lost out on... Although 20/20 hindsight bias, I knew what I was doing and if my father took better business practices (such as signing a contract rather than a handshake deal) I wouldn't be in the mess I am. Anyways just a small aside. Back to MED! So I apply. anndddddd I get rejected from 2 schools pre-interview at the final barrier. I was devastated. I put in all this work and no fruits to enjoy. This work wasn't just the MCAT it was the work I put in school. The sacrifice of experience to study... and so much more. I felt worthless...

I mention this because I feel like this story may have made you think about a similar experience. I wanted to quickly introduce the concept of Amor Fati: love of fate, in latin... at least I'm pretty sure that's what it means. This concept is vital in life. so many individuals just want to be successful, and when a roadblock happens they are so hurt... just like I was. But the truth is.... I don't know what's best for me. I don't know for example if I was meant to meet a future spouse in the next years class... Or if I'm supposed to go in a different field to make a huge impact... I'm not sure and to be honest... No one is... It becomes easier just to accept life's circumstances as the way it is and more forward, knowing that you were meant to go through it. In success we celebrate... in failure we ponder and reflect... Sometimes celebrations is good... but through reflection we understand ourselves... our wants, needs, strengths, weakness, and purpose.

I have now realized more about myself, my personal history, had an opportunity to learn more about different technologies around the world, and am even considering changing careers if medical school doesn't work out. This rejection from medical school and all the hardship associated with various facets allowed me to learn more about myself and without it I wouldn't have got anything like this from it.

I hope this story gives you hope if you are undergoing hardship in your current day to day life. Trust your process in life. It is meant to work out and will... and if it hasn't yet, it's not the end. Keep going.